420 ftw
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
