I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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