one might say we're banned from that church
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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