STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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