I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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