I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
