Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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