My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
