Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
