Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
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