I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
