And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
