i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
