as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
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If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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