so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
