I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize