You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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