That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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