hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
