i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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