i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
