we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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