# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
