Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
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Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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