That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't deserve a penis
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
