Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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