I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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