im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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