She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
