Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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