and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
