I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
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