Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
