Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
