so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
