Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
