i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
