I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
