Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
