I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
