At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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