her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
