AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
