omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
