Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i've created a new STD.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
