and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's Friday. Sex?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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