His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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