I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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