so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
