I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Why is your signature on my underwear?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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