No stitches, just platelets and will power
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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