why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
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In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
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Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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