he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
