haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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