So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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