Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
