Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
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It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
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I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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