Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
