Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All I want is dick and wine.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize