Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
