highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
