how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
