The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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