Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
is that a dick in a sweater?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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