please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
