dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
