Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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