The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This house was built for laser tag.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Randomize
