Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
