i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
