You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
